He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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