yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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