...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
