i would punch a child for taco bell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have started to decorate penises.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
