I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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