Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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