and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
