I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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