I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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