You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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