at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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