The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
