Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
