yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
