Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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