how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize