I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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