She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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