i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
