Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
