i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
