He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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