Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
