I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
