I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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