Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
