Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
