Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
