I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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