i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
