did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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