i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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