are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
