Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
