he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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