The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
