I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
