I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
