Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
