I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
