she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize