I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
