Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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