Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
