I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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