I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Randomize
