when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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