if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
