I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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