You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
