Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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