Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
