In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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