Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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