Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
