i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
