Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
