Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
