i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
