I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
