I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
