I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
