Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
