3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
