lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
