What a fucking waste of an outfit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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