I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
