I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
