she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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