in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
