I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
