Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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