Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
