Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
