Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
